


Pizza Prohibition

by TreeFiddy04



Category: South Park, South Park RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Asshole Dad, Baby Hamster, Baby Names, Background Stan Marsh/Wendy Testaburger, Boys and Girls Working Together, Canon Gay Character, Canon Gay Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gay, Gay Male Character, Gen, M/M, No Acohol, POV Alternating, POV Multiple, POVs, Protests, Shakey's Pizza, Shakey's Pizza banned Acohol, Stripes's Baby, stripes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2019-10-29 09:48:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17805743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TreeFiddy04/pseuds/TreeFiddy04
Summary: The Kids must work together to stop Stan's dad as Randy plans to shut down Shakey's Pizza because they don't serve alcohol no more, meanwhile Craig and Tweek are struggling to come up with a name for stripes's new baby hamster. Pairings Include: Creek (Craig/Tweek) Stendy (Stan/Wendy) Kybe (Kyle/Bebe) and more!





	1. Chaos?

**Disclaimer: We do not own South Park or any of it's characters, and there might be a few offensive stuff but it's South Park, whaddya gonna do?**

* * *

Randy's POV

"Stan? Stan! Get down here, Randy still needs to pick up your little friends!" Sharon called out what seemed to be the 42nd time today, "What on Earth was taking her son so long to get ready?" I think as I rolled my eyes, just ready to let loose.

"Coming!" Stan tripped over his feet when he dashed out of his room. Shelly happened to be passing by when suddenly, "gAHH, watch where your going turd!" She spat, pushing him down the stairs.

"Mooooom!" Stan whined.

"Fine...Shelly go to your room!" Sharon yelled up at our teenaged daughter, helping up Stan, she handed him to me. I slung him over my shoulder and carried him to the car.

Fun.

"I'M ALREADY IN MY ROOM MAM!" Shelly yelled back, she hoped her boys would have a better day than she would have.

After I was done picking up the rest of Stan's gang I had to pull over 12 times due to Cartman's whining, Kyle and Stan arguing over Ps4 and Xbox, and Kenny, well he was just being Kenny.

My head began to pulse, "SHUT UP." I yelled, while looking back at the boys. They sat there, not moving and...silent. I smiled, "Thank you boys".

As soon as I turned back to the road, it had got louder, if only I wasn't an adult...

"SHAKEY'S!" Cartman cheered.

"Awesome!" The boys yelled in unison while I took out my wallet. "ACHOHOL HERE I COME!" I whooed and raced towards the door and met with the boys.

Little did he know something tragic had happened.

Craig's POV

Stripe had a baby a few weeks ago and I sadly still haven't came up with a good name for the little baby mamal.

"Maybe I should call Kenny?" I think as i reach for my phone then paused...Nah he's busy with Stan.

"Clyde maybe?" I looked at the precious baby and shook my head, nope he's too dumb. I certainly do not want him to name my baby... even if I wanted him to name it, he had a football game.

"Red, Token?" I sighed.

Me and red never spoke that much and Token was out eating with his parents.

"Maybe Tweek is available?" I thought about it for a second. Yeah, only one who deserves a chance to name this small Guinea pig. He should be off on break right now, I started to dial Tweek's phone number.

brrrrring

riiing

buzzzzz

brriiiiing

Click!

"Ngh, H-hello, Cr-Craig?" Ah, I guess he is.

"Hey honey I need some help." Smooth tucker, smooth.

"Gah! W-What is I-It?" Tweek replied, Idly chatter could be herd in the backround.

"I need you to help me name Stripe's baby."

"S-STRIPE HAD A-A BA-BABY?" Tweek shrieked, glasses shattering and a few gasps and giggles could be herd from the other line.

What the heck was happening over there?

"Yes or noo..." I dragged out the last word, weirdly the he would refuse and hang up on me.

"U-uh yea-a Gah! Just give m-me a few minutes a-and I'll be over o-okay?"

"Hmhm. Can you promise me one thing."

"Hrrrn Y-yea?"

"Don't scare the baby with your spazzing."

Beep beep beep.

I hung up before he could respond and I sunk down against his wall.

I groaned out of annoyance the looked at the trash and clothes around my room.

Well sh-

Randy's POV

Glaring at the menu I noticed something different as i ordered pizza while the boys played around and got into mischief. "Where the f••• is the alcohol?!" I started to fume and waved at very, VERY unfortunate waiter over, "Yeah, hat can I help ya with sir?" The waiter smiled and looked at me. I angrily shoved my pointer finger at the menu, "Where's the alcohol?!" He looked concused at first but then waved his hand "Oh? We don't sell that here anymore, sorry sir!" The waiter then happily walked away, seeming abit too happy about my reaction. That little crap.

Maybe they ran out!? No that little sh- crap.. Told me they don't sell it here anymore!

What did I do to deserve this? Oh right.. A LOT of things!

I work,

I bought,

and.. And! Well that's it... Maybe I over exaggerated a bit.. But I wasn't going to admit it, Neither would i admit the very pain I feel right now...but opinions are just opinions right?

I grumbled, storming out of the establishment and straight to the car. Was i forgetting something? Nope. I turned my attention back towards the car until realization dawned uppon me

"The kids!" I yell out, making my way back inside

When I came back in the kids were at the table shaking their heads.

"You weren't going to leave us right Mr. Maaaarsh?" Cartman said, voice muffled by him stuffing his face with pepperoni piza.

-(working on)"W-well I was upset!"Randy stumbled over his words, he knew what cartman was capable of, this time he would admit he was kinda scared of him.

"Well we were having the time of our life's until Kahl flipped out!"

"Shut up Fat-ass!"

"Yea yea.."

Randy growled, he wasn't going to be framed by a 10 year old.

"THEY DONT SELL ALCOHOL ANYMORE! AN THAT IS SOMETHING I WONT STAND FOR, SO I, RANDY MARSH IS GOING TO SHUT THIS BASTARD OF A PLACE DOWN!" Randy fumed whilst rummaging through his pockets, after many attempts he revived his pair of keys.

"Wait, dad no!"

Randy ignored his son's protesting and Cartman's angry whining and stomped out of the pizzeria.

Craig scrambled around his room, throwing trash and clothes into individual piles, why the heck did he let Clyde convince him to throw a party at his house?!

Craig almost pulled out his hair when he realized Tweek was about to arrive in 2 minutes! TWO MINUTES!

Craig groaned and inwardly wishing he wouldn't has agreed to the party.

• • •

Once he finished he room looked... Decent.

It took Craig to realize that Tweek who was now in his house yelled out for him , and Craig cursed his mother for letting him in.

Craig rushed downstairs only to drag a nervous Tweek upstairs to him bedroom with no explanation or input on what they were doing.

"C-Craig gah! w-w-what-?"

"Just do what you can here for and help me with naming stripe's baby, okay?" Craig died inside, he realized he had been a bit to harsh with the last word.

Tweek was quiet after that and Craig Realized he made a small mistake.

Tweek twitched and pulled at his hair and whined, he stared at the baby.

"I-I'll try to h-help but I don't know agh! If I'll be much help though."

If he didn't know if he'd be help or not then why did he bother to agree and help out?

'Stupid Fucker' Craig thought absentmindedly.

"S-Sorry.." Ah, what the fuck, he can't stay mad at tweek for long and it makes him mad, he's supposed to be tough right?

Ugh, enough about emotions and back to Stripes baby.

"Alright..Ngh Where do we start?"

Randy had made it home without the boys and started to rant to Sharon how Shaky's pizza don't sell alcohol no more.

"Like c'mon that's bullshit! They've been selling it for soooo long it's practically second nature! But now there getting rid of it! This is the worse day ever!" Sharon sighed and shook her head angrily, "What do you mean worst day?!You left the boys at Shakey's and Stan was lucky there parents didn't get mad about it!" Sharon spat. "Yeah yeah,but the alcohol is more important! This is a serious matter Sharon! Stop being a self centered bitch and listen to my complaining!" He whined and plopped himself on the couch and took a beer of the coffee table.

At least he still had alcohol here,Randy thought Idly not listening to is wife ranting on how he shouldn't talk to her like that and how it's not big of a deal.

Which it was and Randy was pissed that she didn't think it was.

Randy herd her stomp off in a fit of rage and decided to pay attention to the tv, but when he listened to it the only thing he we'd was shut own, shut down shut down shut down

shut dow-

Shut down Shaky's pizza place!

Yeah! That's a great idea! If he can't enjoy Shaky's pizzeria than nobody else can enjoy Shaky's pizzeria, so... Time to shut down a pizza joint. But Randy forgot two things, He spoke out loud and Stan herd everything, and Cartman loves that pizza place.

Cartman slammed his chubby fist onto his dinner table, "Stan said he overheard his dad was going to try and shut down Shakey's Pizza place, so that's why I gathered you hooligans to help me stop me!" Cartman yelled, Wendy rose her hand politely. "Uh, actually we came to you. Stan said you could help us with your sadistic plans to stop his dad, so he told you.", "Nah Stan told me first! Your just a wanna be mean girl!" He spat and ignored that Kyle and Wendy yelled 'Fatass' at the same time.

"Now who's with me!" cart man roared, when no one responded he was pissed. "Like I said who's wit-", "Who's with me!"Wendy yelled, now standing on the table. Everyone cheered and they all broke in a. Fit of laughter and ate the food Eric's mom gave them.

"Stupid pricks..."Cartman grumbled as Heidi pat his back, "It's okay sweetie." She said gently, "SHUT UP HEIDI!"He yelled at her making her flinch and get mad. "Whatever!"She turned away from him and stomped to a new location.

"Jerk. Can't she see I'm moping.."He huffed and like he said, moped.

"We won't let Stan's asshole dad get rid of our pizzeria! Let's stop him!"She whispered a quick 'sorry babe' to Stan and smiled when he nodded and said it was she smiled wider now that the kids were cheering again, but got grossed out that some of them were cheering with food in their mouths. "But first we have to come up with a plan!" She noted to the them,they cheered once more, still hyped from the food and their first cheering session.

Wendy plopped onto the ground and realized Stan was there waiting for her, "That was great babe."He kissed her cheek, "Thank you stan, but we have to get to work, ok babe? sound good?" She smiled and led him to cartman's basement, planning Start!

Craig groaned and covered his face with his hands,

this was so stupid.

Tweek, who was pacing he room scratched his arms violently, he didn't expect naming a baby guinea pig would be so stressful, well when it's with your temperamental boyfriend, it can.

"Tweek, stop." Craig put a hand to his and ripped it away from his arm.

"gah O-Okay Craig." Tweek squeaked,

'To much pressure!' Tweek thought.

"Now, have any ideas?"

"N-No.." Craig groaned at his response, "s...sorry."

Craig sighed, running a hand down his face.

"It's okay, we can always ask some else I guess." He turned to Tweek, "Got anyone in mind?" He asked the twitching male.

"W-Well gah! we can always a-ask Wendy or Be-Bebe.."Tweek said aloud, they were the nicest people toward him other than Craig, the others were dicks! Well excluding his friend group along with Butters and Kenny.

"Wendy's probably busy doing, feminist stuff.."Craig thought, rolling his eyes.

"We can try B-Bebe.."Craig suggested.

"I guess we can.."

As on cue Craig's phone ringed.

"Hello?"He asked,annoyed.

They replied.

He dropped his phone.


	2. Plans

 

Craig's POV 

I couldn't believe it, was this for real? Or just another stupid prank from lord fat ass. But whatever it was, I wanted to know more about it. 

"C'mon Tweek we gotta go somewhere" I started grabbing Tweek's arm. 

"W-where are we go-going?" Tweek asked, obviously nervous about the situation.

"Cartman's house"

..................................................................

I knocked at cartman's door to be greeted with a lady with a blue shirt and red or pink pants, I guess she was cartman's mother. She had opened her mouth to speak before a voice in the background yelled

**"Mom! Who's at the door?...ya know what ima' just come see for my self"**

cartman then comes waddling in from the basement. He looks at Tweek and me before grabbing our arms and dragging us down to the basement. When we got there we saw both the girls and the boys working together on a plan.

 _now there's something you don't see every day..._ I thought to myself. 

"Gah! What's happening here?!?" Tweek shouted, this seemed to get everyone's attention..since they were staring at us.

Tweek's POV 

_Jesus_ _what's going on?!? Are they planning to kill someone? Because that's really what it looks like..._

"Craig, did you forget to tell Tweek what's happening right now?" Clyde asked Craig

"No, I didn't forget...I just didn't want to." He stated. I was upset with this, I mean c'mon he knows how I can get. 

"Well, can someone tell me now?" I asked, slightly annoyed at the situation. Clyde sighed before coming up to me and explaining the whole situation. First Randy's dad wants to close down Shakey's pizzeria because they don't sell alcohol anymore. Then he said his plan in front of Stan and Cartman, and Cartman once again didn't get anyone his side so Wendy took over and is now trying to form a plan, with everyone, to stop Stan's dad.

"Jesus that's too much pressure! I can't even come up with a name for the baby and now I need to come up with a plan?!?!" I was starting to panic which led to me hyperventilating. Craig then suddenly grabbed my hand in a slightly comforting way. 

"calm down, we aren't doing this on our own you know" he mumbled. I guess I feel a little bit better.

Randy's POV

Finally, now that I have half the alcoholics in town on my side Shakey's wont stand a chance! I've got all my buddies here too! If we can't have our beer then no one can! I step up on the pedestal with a microphone in hand. I began to grow nervous as I can feel everyone's eyes on me. I closed my eyes and opened them again. 

_OK, I'm ready._

_"_ okay, so..we all know that alcohol is an important thing in our lives, it helps us cope with feelings,  mainly because it has anxiolytic properties, and because it tastes pretty damn good!" I yelled. everyone cheered (half of them holding beers or wine). I smiled at this, finally, people understand, and don't think I'm stupid, unlike Sharon.  

"And well..uh..Shakey's was a good source of alcohol, you know? we got to drink our problems away while our kids did whatever kids do while stuffing their faces full of pizza. But they recently stopped giving out alcohol! and that's one load of BULLS#!T!" I shouted again. trying to get the crowd all riled up, and it's working!

"Yeah!" Someone screamed. 

"I agree" another agreed with me.   _This is going so great! that crap of a restaurant doesn't stand a chance against us!_

 _"_ and if you know what's best for you, you'll join me in shutting down that place!!" I screamed out one last time. even if they don't agree with me, it's not like they got anything else to do. 

"all in favor, say I!!! (while raising your hand)"

**"I!" nearly everyone screamed out raising there hands.**

........................................................................

Wendy's POV

my plan is absolutely flawless! I'm 90% sure it will work! A smile draws to my face as I clear my throat to get everyone's attention. Everyone looks up to me as a walk up to the whiteboard someone had brought over and picked up a marker. 

"go Wendy!" Bebe cheered from the background, this made me smile. 

"thanks, Bebe...well, anyways I think I have come up with an absolutely perfect plan!" I started looking out at the people before me. Then, suddenly, Cartman then starts chuckling.

"how could a stupid bitch like you come up with a good plan?" he managed to say before laughing softly. Stan and Kyle looked pissed off

"Shut it Fat ass! Wendy, please continue." Kyle yelled. I smiled again

"thanks, Kyle..anyways, my plan is..giving them positive Yelp reviews. if everyone could please take out their phones" I asked. Some did look at me like I was crazy but eventually took out their phones anyways. I start drawing stick figures with phones on the board. 

"The plan is to make multiple yelp accounts and always give 5 stars or at least a 4 and a half. the positive feedback will encourage them to keep up what they are doing and build up their confidence, and when people see the good reviews they will come to Shakey's, and then there will be more positive raring causing more people to like the pizzeria. This will lessen the chance of Stan's dick of a dad from closing it down. So do you all agree to this?"

"it's not like we have anything better to do...'' 

........................................................................ Randy's POV

"OK people, simmer down for a second. First, we need a good plan, (which I have already taken care of)" everyone around then looked back at me ready to hear what I had to say. 

"the plan is to buy weed from my farm and sneak it into the pizzeria, and then call the police and tell them that they are carrying weed in their establishment," I spoke out my lovely plan to my lovely followers. eventually (about thirty seconds later) I see their heads nod in agreement, and this made me happy. 

 _finally, people agree with my plans too!_  

"Okay, but when will we do it?" Stuart (Kenny's father and a good friend of mine) asked. 

"In the middle of the night! It's dangerous but I know we can do it! what do you guys say?!?" 

"YEAH!" everyone cheered, 

_like seriously, dude I could get used to this..._

"Alright, everyone! head to my farm and get some weed, but ONLY for the plan!"

"OKAY!" and with that, the whole group got in their cars (along with me getting in mine) and driving down to my farm

~time skip to when Randy's plan coming true, kind of...~ 

the whole crowd came to Shakey's. I'm glad they didn't ditch me or didn't take me seriously like they did Al Gore.  
"Okay, does everyone have their weed?" I ask quietly. they all looked at me before trying to empty their already empty bags and pockets. 

_okay, what the hell is going on?_

"well? where is your weed?" I asked getting slightly frustrated at everyone. then it hit me, their eyes are red and they look both drunk and high, did they already smoke it? JESUS CHRIST.

"really guys, just great! you just  _had_  to smoke the weed, didn't you? now we have to come up with a new plan!" I shouted. "just go home!" I yelled at them "meet me in the morning at the church." I asked. all of a sudden I hear some sirens go off a few streets away. I guess we do look kind of suspicious, 

"FUCK IT'S THE COPS! RUN FOR IT!" someone screams. then everyone starts screaming and starts running around like chickens without heads. God dammit. 

..........................................................................

We were able to bribe the cops with the weed I had brought. hey let us free and even joined us in taking down Shakey's pizzeria. This cannot get any better! 

~timeskip~ 

"Randy, where the hell have you been?" Sharon asked. I yawn slipping inside the bed and under the covers. 

"out.." I muttered before trying to fall asleep next to her. she sighed and looked at me.

"uh, randy just so you know..you'll have to pick Stan up from Cartman's house tomorrow." My eyes widened up.

_shit! the fat kid is planning against me!_

........................................................................... Stan's POV

Well, and this is very surprising, Cartman convinced us (including the girls) to stay the night at his place to make 'his' plan better. Wendy protested because he called it his plan, but gave in because she really likes Shakey's. (being her boyfriend, I would know this) Craig and Tweek, although, didn't stay, the had 'plans'  of their own and probably went off to have s*x somewhere. I don't really trust Fat Ass, but this is for Shakey's. 

"so...Cartman, is your mom gonna feed all of us? or are we all going out?" Kyle asked

"yeah... I'm starting to starve!" someone shouted

"I'M HUNGRY" shouted another.

Cartman looked annoyed and sighed before shouting  "MAM! GO GET 20 LARGE BUCKETS OF KFC!"  From upstairs i could her an  **"OK Poopsykins!"** after that, some kids started snickering, probably at the nickname Cartman's mother had given him. 

~timeskip~ 

We were all eating chicken in the basement while sitting on old blankets so the floor won't get dirty. Everyone was eyeing cartman in disgust, mainly because he was wolfing it all down, grease getting all over him and Heidi. She wasn't even affected! 

_holy shiz that girl has a strong stomach to be seeing that and not throwing up!_

and then, as if on cue, she threw up in a bucket next to her which was one of the 2 Cartman had already finished.) I hope dad is not overreacting about this.   
 

~the next morning cuz co-author is lazy~

"Stan! OH MY GOD! I can't believe you at the moment!" My dad had picked me up and was currently driving me home (yelling his a*s off for no reason)

"dad, what's going on?" I asked, still unsure why he was yelling

"YOU KNOW WHY! YOUR TEAMING AGAINST ME WITH THE FAT KID!!!" he yelled back at me, 

_oh..so that's what this is about..._

"dad, you want to close down the one place that doesn't sell alcohol anymore?"

"DAMN RIGHT I DO!"

............................................................... Craig's POV

Tweek and I went back to my house and had an overnight by ourselves. Fat ass is not going to win. As for the plan, It was kinda' stupid in the first place. anyways Tweek and I were still trying to come up with a name for Stripe's baby. she was completely white with a couple of ginger patches here and there, but she was still

"FUCKING ADORABLE." I whispered. Tweek gave me a look like: dude what the fuck

"shit I said that aloud. didn't I?" Tweek nodded his head, trembling while he looks at the baby. 

"I think I have a name..but you may not like it.." he muttered. I was kinda desperate at this point so I didn't really care much.

"what is it?" Tweek looked me dead in the eyes and muttered

"how bout' Marshmallow?" he asked. My eyes kinda lit up as I thought about it. I quickly write it down on a list of other possible names.

"anything else?" I ask

"um.. cocoa?" I nod,

"uh..GAH! um, c-cookie?" I nod again writing down the two names

"anymore in mind?" I ask again,

"uh..ginger? oh! or how about zig? ya know like zig zag?" I gave him this look like  _dude I dunno_. He starts twitching, probably waiting for my approval.

"those are good to.." I mumbled, writing them down. I scan the list till I see a certain name that I really liked.

"Tweek! I got it!"

..........................................................................

**(a/n)-- Jesus, that was a workout! Boi Marsh signing out**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (a/n)-- Jesus, that was a workout! Boi Marsh signing out


	3. Drunk

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Stan's P.O.V.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was in my room, my head was hanging off my bed as I loosely held my phone up to my ear. Wendy's shocked voice would have deafened me if my hat wasn't somewhat muffling her.

"What do you mean you can't help with the plan anymore?!" She yelled. Even through the phone I could tell this really hurt her. I sat up in bed, trying to sound as apologetic as I could.

"I'm really sorry Wendy! My dad found out about our plans and grounded me! I finally know what Butters feels like..." I said glumly.

"Well if you still have you're phone, can't you still post yelp reviews for Shakeys?" She asked hopefully.

I shook my head but then realized she couldn't see me. "No. Dad didn't take away my electronics, but he did take away my chargers. I'm pretty sure this call is gonna kill my battery."

Wendy gasped. "Stan! Don't waste your battery on a call, use what you have left to make more reviews!" She shrieked.

I flopped face first on my bed sheet, so when I talked I sounded like Kenny. "I can't do that either, my dad changed the WiFi password so I can't go online." Wendy groaned.

"But..." I sat up. "I'm still willing to do anything to save Shakeys. So if you need me to do anything, i'll try my best to help."

Wendy was silent a moment. She was so quiet I could hear muffled voices from the remaining kids at Cartman's sleepover.  When she did talk it startled me slightly.

"What if..." She began. "What if you were our man on the inside?"

"What do you mean?"  

"I think we both know your dad is planing something awful to shut down Shakeys, and no matter how many Five star yelp reviews there are he's gonna make sure it closes for good."

"Yeah, but where do I come in?"

"Well think about it Stan! If you know what your dad's planning, we can come up with a way to stop it. All you have to do is figure out how to make him spill." Wendy sounded excited now.

"But how am I supposed to do that? He knows I was working with you guys so he'll never tell me the truth!"

Wendy laughed, slightly maniacally. "Stan, why is your dad fighting this war in the first place?"

"What? Because Shakeys stopped serving alcohol." Didn't she already know this?

"Uh-huh, and why is he so upset he doesn't get to drink?" She kept pressing me.

"Because he loves his alcohol, it's like his favorite thing."

"That's right! It's his favorite thing, he would do anything to get drunk. You could even say it's his greatest weakness."

"Yeah?? Wendy where are you going with......" That's when it hit me. "Oh....Okay I get it now." She giggled into the phone.

"Finally, you figure it out. Your dads greatest weakness is alcohol, and you and I both know how adults get when they drink. If you just get your dad drunk enough he'll probably tell you all his plans!"

"Hey that's a great idea! My dad always blab about stuff when he's drunk, this is definitely gonna work!" I glanced at my phone in my hand.

"Oh no! Wendy my phones at 5%, there's no way it's gonna make it long enough for me to get my dads plans!" I turned the brightness down, hoping to save it for a few more precious minutes of my charges life.

"Don't worry Stan, we'll figure something out. Just try to get your dad to talk and we'll get back to you."

"Okay, I'll do my best. Bye Wendy."

"Bye Stan, talk to you soon."

I put my phone down, it had absorbed my body heat and was now super hot. I set it on my dresser, my mind racing.

'I need to find a way to give him drinks without him getting suspicious.' I thought.

'But how am I supposed to do that?' I sighed. If I got caught, who knows how much trouble i'd get in?

I stood up and out of bed, readjusting my hat. 'For Wendy and Shakeys, I'm willing to get in any trouble.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tweek's P.O.V.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I stood Twitching next to Craig, he had pulled his hat in front of his eyes, and he was now seething from under it. I fiddled with my fingers nervously, my entire body shaking from anxiety. I hardly ever saw Craig this upset. He never really cared what people thought of him or his ideas. So seeing him get angry over something I said was really nerve-wracking.

"C-Craig! I'm J-Just saying it's not very creative!" I yelped. I was kinda worried about Stripes baby, Craig was holding him so close I was worried he might accidentally crush him.

Craig looked out from under his hat, his eyes full of annoyance.

"Dude, you said my name was basic. It was a total dick move." I kept twitching, but now I was getting annoyed right back at him.

"W-Well I'm sorry Craig I expressed my opinions for once! I just think that name isn't very good!" Craig shot me a look, and I tried to shoot one back. Craig stood up to face me, still clutching Stripes baby.

"First you just said it was not creative, now you're saying it's bad?" He shouted. I rapidly ran my fingers through my knotted hair, something I only did when twitching wasn't enough to express my feelings.  

"YOU KNOW WHAT CRAIG? YES." I yelled. He glanced at me, giving me the most chilling face I could imagine. Suddenly everything was silent. Even the pipes in Craig's basement stopped humming, as if as shocked at my outburst as I was.

Craig sighed. "Maybe we should just.... Stop with the names for now, and just go focus on helping the others."    

I stared down at my feet, I could see my knees clenching and unclenching even from underneath my stained jeans. "Y-yeah...M-maybe we should do that."

Both of us were quiet. Craig's pipes started humming again, but it did nothing to ease the pressure I felt. It felt like my head was gonna explode. When my phone vibrated in my pocket I nearly dropped it out of anxiety.

"GAH! H-Hello?!" Craig started stroking Stripes baby, obviously listening in on my conversation.

"Tweek? We need you and Craig to meet us at Wendy's house, there's been some changes to the plan." Bebe's voice rang out through my phone. "O-okay, thanks B-bebe." I hung up.

"B-bebe says..." "I heard. let's go." Craig interrupted me. I gulped and nodded, but by then Craig had already started leaving. The way he was acting was jarring, usually he was cold and distant, but mostly towards other people. When he was around me he always was kind, in his own weird way.

I began walking up the basement stairs behind him, but still keeping my distance. I sighed, this wasn't exactly an ideal situation.

I glanced up at Craig, he didn't even look back as he left the basement. For some reason that stung more than anything.

'Try and look on the bright side Tweek.' I thought to myself. 'Maybe after all this is said and done, things will be less tense.'

I sighed again. I wasn't right about a lot of things, I usually relied on him for that. But I hoped more than anything I was right about this.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wendy's P.O.V.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Craig and Tweek finally showed up to my house. My mom helped them find my room, and they both sat down next to their friends. I noticed they sat apart from each other, putting Clyde between them. I wonder why.

Whatever, I'm sure everything's fine. I cleared my throat.

"Alright guys, I gathered you here so we all can find out what the adults are planning." I explained to everyone. They were all sitting in front of me, listening intently.

Well, everyone besides Cartman that is. He was sitting in the corner of my room eating fistfuls of lucky charms. Heidi was sitting next to him, slightly leaning away from his messy crunches.

"Erik, could you please stop getting crumbs all over my carpet?" He obnoxiously rolled his eyes.

"Shut up bitch, this room is super gross anyways." He said, spewing more crumbs all over an increasingly disturbed looking Heidi.

I sighed. Bebe raised her hand.

"If we can ignore the literal elephant in the room for a minute, can you tell us how you know what the adults are planning?"

I glanced over at Cartman to see if he caught what Bebe just said, but he was utterly clueless. Everyone else was smiling more brightly now though, which Bebe seemed proud of.

"Well, I don't actually know anything yet. Stan's planing on getting his dad drunk so he'll tell him, and then Stan's reporting back to us using this."

I held up a purple walkie-talkie. Everyone looked confused.

"Wait, why are you using that? Stan has a phone you know." Kyle asked, Kenny giving a muffled agree beside him.

I shook my head, my beret tipping over slightly. "Not anymore. His dad grounded him and took away his chargers, so he can't even text us anymore." A few people gasped, Cartman just laughed.

"That's what that asshole gets!" He chortled. Before I could defend my boyfriend, the walkie-talkie beeped in my hand, getting everyone's attention. I cranked the volume up as loud as it could go, which still wasn't very loud.

"Wendy? You there?" Stan asked.

"Yeah Stan, we're all here at my house. Did you get the information?"

"I'm trying to now, but my dads getting really weird. I wanna make sure you guys actually get the right information." Everyone started crowding around me to try to hear Stans quiet voice.

In the background I could hear his dad ranting about something, none of it seemed to be about the plan though.

"I can barely hear him!" Token whispered. I nodded and spoke into the walkie-talkie again.

"Stan! You need to get it closer to your dad!" I tried my best to stay quiet. There was movement on the other end, and his dads voice got much clearer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Randy's P.O.V.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was pacing back and forth, and back and forth, and back and forth, and back and..... I forget what comes after that.

"Haha! Stan... T-this was an.... Excellent idea son!" I hiccupped. Stan leaned on his hand and stared at me.

"Yeah dad. I just wanted to apologize for working with my friends against you." He said it in a flat tone, but He was just being so genuine!!

"Y-you know kiddo.....That's a.. that's a pretty grown up thing to say." I took another sip of the wine.

"Goddamn that's good!" I drank the rest of it, spilling some over the sides of my face and onto my shirt.

"Oh-oh shit. I need a.. I need like another wine." I stumbled over to Stan, and poured another one. I think I poured it good enough, even though most of it got on the table. Stan stood up and grabbed some paper towels, and as he did it he set some toy on the counter. Kinda looked like a walkie-talkie.

He started cleaning up the wine, and he sighed when I spilled more on my shirt.

"Its okay, I...I got it k-kiddo." I tried to take off my shirt, but it got stuck around my head. I heard him sigh again, and pretty soon I could see the light again. Stan stood over me, looking really annoyed.

"Heh. You look like a giant." I slurred. It felt nice being shirtless, the carpet was really comfortable on my back. Stan walked over to the kitchen doorway, and leaned on it. He kinda looked like his mother from that angle.

"Dad? I want to help you."

I started taking off my shoes, but with my feet. Crazy right? "What do you mean bu-UH-ddy." Heh. I burped in the middle of my sentence, I used to do that to the waitresses at Shakeys.

"I mean, I want to help you guys get rid of Shakeys."  I giggled. Like a man of course.

"Get rid of it? Stan with my amazing plan Shakeys is gonna get totally destroyed!" I successfully got one shoe off, but at what cost?

"What is your plan dad?" He looked over at me.

I glared at him suspiciously. "Why do you wanna know buster brown?" He tugged at the edge of his coat.

"Because... Because I want to help you. I think it's very wrong that they don't serve beer anymore, and I think I could help make sure Shakeys gets completely destroyed." I flopped my head back down on the carpet, spilling some of my wine on my face.

"Okay, but you hafta promise not to tell anyone, got that Stan?" I put my pinky in the air. Stan walked over to me and slowly latched his pinky with mine.

"I promise."

"Heh, gay." I let go, my hand landing on my forehead.

"Alright, alright, alright" I sat up, and leaned against the staircase. My hair fell into my face. I blew it upwards to make it stop tickling my nose, like some emo dweeb.

"So, me and the guys, but mostly me, we've got this great plan." I started to explain. Stan sat down next to me on the floor, I noticed he was still holding that toy thingies. Whatever, probably doesn't matter.

"Okay, so we got this bomb." From somewhere I swear I heard a bunch of hushed gasps, but when I looked over it was just Stan. Weird, I must really be shit faced.

"A bomb?! Uh dad, please continue..." Stan urged me.

"Y-yeah we found this little bomb, its super cool. We're gonna put the bomb in the toilet, we found out that if a restaurant has a severe plumbing issue, it'll be shut down until it can be fixed. But we got all the technicians in town to agree not to fix it. Sick plan right?"

"Yeah. Yeah it's great.. I'm really...into the plan dad." I looked over at Stan, trying to put on my best serious face. But I think that may have been undercut by the drool dripping down my face.

"Okay, well you pinky promised not to tell anyone, so make sure you don't tell any off your chode friends." Everything was getting hazy, that wine was really strong.

"Alright, dad I promise." Stan sounded super far away. I realized I was laying back down on the ground. The last thing I remember was something coming up my throat, and really loud footsteps running away from me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wendy's P.O.V

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Everyone was silent, even Cartman had stopped his munching.

"He passed out." Stans voice called from the walkie-talkie. We all let out a collective sigh of relief.

"D-did you all hear that?" Stan said again.

"Yeah. That... was not the plan I expected." Bebe said. We all nodded in agreement.

"How, how do we even stop that?" Token asked.

There was silence for a minute. Before everyone's worst fear came true. Cartman had an idea.

"Guys. I think I know what to do."  He said.

"Well, speak up Erik, what is it?"

He grinned maniacally. "Well, before I share my idea, I need you all to agree to follow through with it."

We all looked around at each other anxiously. "Why do you want us to agree to something before you even tell us what it is?" Craig spoke for the first time.

"Because," Cartman explained. "I need all of you to help, and I don't want any of you being pussies and wussing out of my kick-ass plan."

We all looked around again. None of us really had an argument, or another idea. I sighed.

"Alright Erik, what's your idea?"

He grinned again. "Sweet man."

This is not going to end well, is it?

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hey everyone, did you like this any? comment if you did! (ꈍ ꒳ ꈍ✿) Boi Marsh signing out


	4. Bomb Threat

Kyle's P.O.V.

"Holy fucking shit. I can't fucking believe I'm doing this..." I mumbled. I pulled myself farther along inside the vents. It was really tight inside, the only way I could even move was by keeping my body completely flat against the bottom, and pulling myself forward with my fingers. I honestly have no idea what I'm going to do if I reach a dead-end.

"Hey Jew, do you copy?" Cartmans loud voice echoed all around me. I slowly figured out how to pull the walkie-talkie from my pocket, it was still covered in dried dirt from when Stan dropped it out his window for me.

"Yeah Cartman I copy." I stopped my journey through the hot shafts, and stretched the walkie-talkie in front of me. I heard him eating something on the other end.

"Alright good, if you're where you're supposed to be, you're gonna take another left ahead." I didn't move, partly because I was tired. But also because I was getting a little suspicious.

"Uhh, I don't hear any movement. What are you doing, jacking off?" I winced at how loud his voice was. I have no idea where they are, but I know that now Stans dad and all his groupies were somewhere inside the building, and I really didn't want to run into them.

"SHH! I'm trying to stay as quiet as I can." I whispered into the speaker. I heard Cartman sigh, then say in an equally loud voice:

"So? That doesn't explain why you stopped going." I sighed.

"I'm just trying to figure out where I am." His munching stopped, and he sounded annoyed. Never a good sign.

"What do you not trust me? I'm the brains of this entire operation, you listen to me!" I quickly tried to turn the volume down on the walkie-talkie, but realized it was already at its lowest level.

"Shut up!" I hushed him. "I was just wondering how you know the layout of Shakeys so well, and why couldn't I have just crawled through the bathroom window?!" I heard him sigh like he did when Heidi tried to talk to him.

"Because I said so ass-licker. And if you went through the window, where would you hide?" He asked in a condescending voice.

I planted my face straight into the metal floor of the shaft. "Cartman, I can literally think of a hundred places in the boys bathroom I could hide."

"But what if they plant the bomb in the girls bathroom? Yeah didn't think about that did you tampon? Now go left or Shakeys will be shut down forever and it will be all your fault." He was completely calm now, But knowing Eric he was definitely threatening me.

I heard a click come from the walkie-talkie, meaning someone else was using the third one of the set.

"Eric shut up." Cried Bebe's voice through the walkie-talkie. She was making an effort to stay silent, but it still made me paranoid that Stans dad could hear us.

"There you guys are! Did Kenny find the map?" I asked. Bebe giggles got farther away as Kennys stifled voice came closer.

"Yeah dude we found it on google." He sounded pretty eager, even through the walkie-talkie and his parka hood.

"Wait what?!" Cartman practically screamed. I brought the device closer to my chest, trying to muffle his rage. "I came up with this entire fucking plan myself, and you brought these amateur asswhipes along for the ride?!"

"Shhh! Dude I just wanted to make sure I was going the right way. I don't really want to end up lost in the vents of a pizza place  _that's going to explode_." I heard Bebe and Kenny laugh, even if I was being completely serious. Cartman however...

"You stupid jew, only one toilet is gonna explode. If the entire building was gonna explode, I would have bravely risked my life to disarm the bomb. But there's only one bomb, and Kyle decided that was good enough for him." I rolled my eyes, even though they couldn't see me.

"Shut up asshole, I'm only here because your fucking plan said I had to do it!"

Cartman laughed. "Exactly,  _MY_  plan. I don't need these shithead raining on my fucking parade with their stupid maps!"

I sighed. "Can you guys tell me where I need to go?" We all ignored Cartmans whines.

"Sorry Kyle, we haven't been paying attention. Could you describe where you are?" I glanced around.

"Uh, it mostly just looks the same as everything else." I put the walkie-talkie on my back and began sliding forwards more.

"Hang on, there's a little screen." I said, trying my hardest to peer out. "I think I'm above the kitchen? It's to dark in here, I can't see anything." I felt the walkie-talkie buzz on my back slightly as Bebe spoke again.

"Okay, that's something! Kenny, what vents are closest to the Kitchen?" I heard Kenny clicking on Bebes laptop. Then gave an answer that was too far away for me to hear.

"Okay," Bebe replied to him. "Alright Kyle you're gonna wanna head left if you can see the kitchen doors in front of you. If they're farther away you're gonna want to get closer, then turn left." She explained to me.

I heard Cartman mumbling under his breath, but the only way I could have heard it was if he wanted us to. I rolled my eyes as I began crawling towards the kitchen. "What was that fatass?"

"Oh! All I was saying Kyle, is that I actually gave you the right directions. And yet you didn't listen to me, and took advice from some bitch with google." I heard Bebe scoff.

"At least we know we have the right map!" I turned left, and soon caught sight of the many kitchen appliances below me.

"I don't need a map at all! I memorized Shakeys vents because I'm super fucking into saving it! You buttholes just google a picture and think you have the same dedication as me?" Something caught my eye down below.

I grabbed the walkie-talkie off my back, cupping my hands around it to quiet their argument. "Guys shut up! I think I see them!" Instantly the noise died down.

I leaned over, peering out the shaft screen towards the bathrooms. There were about twenty grown ups holding flashlights, but Stans dad, who was at the front of the small crowd trying to pry open the locked door, was holding a candle for some reason.

I looked in front of me into the maze of shafts, trying to figure out which way would lead me into the bathrooms. I pulled the walkie-talkie up to my lips and said in the quietest voice I could: "Guys. Don't talk for a minute. I'll tell you If I need help." I put it flat on my back again.

I crawled through the dimly lit vents, trying my hardest to keep my breathing steady. The only comfort I had been the voices of Stans dads posse. Who, as far as I could tell, were pretty fucking drunk.

"Yeah, go Randy!" I heard Butters dad yell. They obviously weren't very worried about keeping quiet. They were all cheering Stans dad on as I heard him slowly and loudly rip the door from its hinges. Stans dad himself was swearing a lot, something he always did when he got shit-faced.

A loud crack echoed from below me as the door swung open. When they all began cheering I knew I this was my chance to get inside quicker. I scrambled as well as I could through the vents, stopping above another vent. I froze as I looked down, only to be greeted by my own dads hazy face.

He looked confused. "H-hey! Is someone up there?" He slurred. I held my breath, he continued looking up towards me. He shrugged and started chugging another beer from the six-pack he was carrying. He started to walk away.

"Oh my got Kyle are you there yet? Shakeys is gonna explode and you're just dicking around!" Cartmans voice startled me, but I couldn't react. My dad stopped and stumbled backwards to stare at the vents again, this time much more critically. After maybe a full minute, something dawned on him. He ginned and staggered forward, his kippah falling from his head.

"D-dude Randy! I think there's something in my beer, I keep having these crazy hallucinations!" I heard my dad distantly yell. When I made sure he was gone, I plucked the walkie-talkie of my back.

"Dude! I told you to be quiet! What the fuck did you talk for, I almost got caught!" My voice was strained from trying not to yell.

"Well I'm not sure about you Kyle, but now it seems you're the only one being unreasonable." Cartman said in his good-boy-voice.

I groaned. "Shut the fuck up fatass or I'm telling your mom on you!" He gasped.

"You dirty back-stabbing jew! I was just asking a question!" He shrieked. I heard Kenny sigh.

"You know what Cartman? It may be the middle of the night, but I'm coming to your house." An obscured Bebe laugh again. "Good luck Kenny!" And only what I could assume was Bebe's door shutting behind him. Knowing what was coming, I cupped the walkie-talkie in my hands again.

"WHAT THE FUCK?! NO KENNY COME BACK! YOU'RE NOT GETTING YOUR POOR PERSON GERMS ALL OVER MY HOUSE! KENNY? KENNY?!" He screamed. In the background I heard Cartmans mom walk in.

"Poopsykins what's wrong? Are you playing nice with your little friends?"

"FUCK YOU MOM! KENNY'S GONNA BE HERE ANY MINUTE, I NEED TO HIDE ALL MY MONEY FROM THAT GREEDY SHITHEAD." I decided I heard enough, and stuffed the walkie-talkie into my hat. It wasn't completely sound proof, but it was better than my hands.

I watched from above as Stans dad stumbled his way into the bathroom, his follwers at his heels.

He dug around in his pockets, until he finally found what he was looking for. The way he haphazardly fumbled with the bomb was unsettling to say the least. He raised it above his head, letting me get a good look at it. It was small, thankfully, and an a reddish-orange color. Just like I always imagined dynamite, but smaller.

"A-Alright guys! We did it, w-we're inside... This disgusting shithole of a restaurant, you all know what the plan is, so let's do this!" He stuttered. He set down his candle, and lit the long fuse.

"Shit, shit, shit go!" He urged, pushing through the crowd of wasted dads. I kicked open the vent shaft, even though my foot was asleep from crawling through those tunnels and it hurt like hell.

My mind was over run with panic as I sprinted over to the bomb. He set it on the top of the one toilet, and I realized I didn't know what to do from here. Cartman never told me. I whipped off my hat, and fumbled with the walkie-talkie.

"Cartman?! Cartman what do I do?!" I practically screamed into the device. He responded calmly.

"Dude just put it in the toilet to put out the fire." I rushed to pick up the bomb, it was getting closer and closer to the end. I dropped it into the gross toilet water, but it didn't stop fizzing.

"AHH! DUDE IT'S NOT GOING OUT!" Now I heard Bebe gasp.

"Be careful Kyle!"

"What do you mean it's not going out?! Did you put the fuse in the water?!" I checked again to make sure it was completely submerged, and saw it was getting too close.

"Yes!"

"What?! How else do you put out fire?!" He screeched, sounding nervous.

"Oh! Uh, in science we learned you can suffocate it with something!" Bebe spoke up. I quickly grabbed it out of the unclean toilet water, desperately looking around for anything to put it out with. Nothing. It was a bare bathroom. I stared into the sizzling flame. There was only one place I could put this that was closed enough to suffocate it.

I hesitantly opened my mouth...

I don't really want to talk about what I did to put it out. It was traumatic for me. Painful, disgusting, embarrassing. Bye the time I spit it out I thought I was going to throw up. But at least I knew Shakeys was safe.

God I hope Cartman doesn't figure out what I did.

Randy's P.O.V.

I ran home. All the other fellas ran back home too I'm guessing. We all agreed before we got wasted to run as far away from Shakeys as we could, so if the cops who weren't on our side showed up they wouldn't know it was us.

By the time I got home, I was out of breath, and threw up on my new work shirt. I was hoping I could get to bed without Sharon noticing, but she did that creepy mom thing and stayed up in the living room waiting for me.

"Randy! What were you doing?! You missed dinner, Shelly and Stan were worried sick!" I almost laughed at her. What she didn't know was that Stan was already on my side, and I knew for sure Shelly wouldn't care!

"Sorry Sharon. Me and the boys had a wild night again. I promise it won't happen again, let's just go to sleep." I said simply. The old 'You're right i'm wrong' always got her off my back.

She glanced to the clock. It was after 2 am, so I knew she wouldn't want to get in a fight with me now. She sighed.

"Alright Randy. But I want to talk about this in the morning." She started walking upstairs, I followed her.

I hoped in out shower, and began washing all the beer and vomit off me.

'I did it. I got that god forsaken place shut down. Now every restaurant in South Park serves alcohol, because of me!' I thought.

I happily climbed into bed. Sharon, looked over to me and patted my hand.

"Goodnight Randy. I love you."

I turned off the bedside lamp.

"Love you too honey."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Shakey's Pizza is safe for now. Boi Marsh signing out! ^m^


	5. Second Thoughts

Randy's P.O.V.

"I can't believe it..." I breathed. All around me my friends nodded and murmured in agreement. I peered through Shakey's windows, people were in there. There was no closed sign, no construction workers, nothing out of the ordinary.

"Maybe... Maybe they didn't notice yet." Stephen suggested. Stuart nodded feverishly.

"Yeah that's gotta be it! C'mon guys maybe we should go inside and report it." I said. We all hesitantly walked into the restaurant. That same bitch of a waitress that refused to serve me alcohol to begin with greeted us.

"Hi welcome to Shakey's! Do you want multiple tables or do you all wanna squeeze into a corner booth?" She asked cheerfully. I fought the urge to punch her in her stupid face.

"Uh no. We all just need to use your bathroom really quick." I said, briskly walking past her to the restrooms. She looked like she didn't believe me, but let us all go through anyways.

We all nervously huddled around the broken doorway. "It's gotta be shut down. It has to be.." Gerald mumbled. Suddenly a guy in a hard-hat and neon-yellow vest came pushing through.

"Uh you guys are gonna hafta get out of here." He said in a heavy southern accent. We all glanced at each other.

"Why?! Is there something wrong with the toilet?!" I asked hopefully. Maybe too hopefully, the dude looked at me like I was crazy.

...Naw I'm pretty good at acting. He's just weird.

"Uhh... no. The door came off its hinges so they hired me to fix it." He took a questioning look at the door frame. "Actually, I have no idea how this happened. The staff just said it was like that this morning."

"Oh no really? Maybe the place got robbed." I said smoothly. The dude shook his head.

"It's possible, but I don't see why the robber would have completely decimated the door. There's not even anything worth stealing in here. Well..." He reached into his jean pockets. "Except maybe this. I think it's one of those Jewish hat thingies."

Gerald stumbled his way the front of the crowd and snatched the hat.

"Oh sorry that's mine!" He put it on his head, patting it reassuringly like a dog. The guy looked at him funny, but rolled his eyes and faced me again.

"So you're saying all this supposed robber did was break down the door?" I asked quizzically.

"Yeah. They couldn't find anything missing, and there's no other damage done far as they could tell." He said turning his back to us. He bent over to grab his tool box, flashing his ass crack. I looked away annoyed.

"Really? No other damage at all? Are you sure?" I asked, getting more nervous by the second. He looked at me quizzically again.

"Uh... you folks got any business here? Not to be rude but y'all are asking some pretty strange questions." He put his hands on his hips all sassy. I inwardly cringed at our stupidity.

"Oh... Uh we just heard a rumor that some kids put some dynamite in the toilet, and we wanted to make sure our.." I cleared my throat. "... _Favorite restaurant_ didn't go under because of it." He didn't look convinced, but he still rubbed his balding head and responded none the less.

"Well I'm glad you folks care about Shakey's, I'm sure the owners really appreciate it. But no. Of course not." He said, deadpanning. A few of the guys gasped, I sure as hell felt shocked.

"O-oh. Well uh, thank you anyways sir..." I stammered. I quickly ran out of there, the guys at my heels. We all gathered behind the building, panting and in a lot of confusion.

"How did this happen?!" Stephen gasped. Clutching his sides in agony.

I began pacing back and forth in front of them. "I don't know. But there's no way that thing just went out on its own." I faced them all. "Guys we spent real money on the highest quality bomb those sixth-graders had, and they said there was no way it could go out."

Stuart stared at the ground, I could tell he had something to say.

"You got something to say?" I shouted at him. He flinched.

"Maybe those kids lied to us Randy. I didn't say anything before, but I don't think it's possible for a fuse to stay lit against everything. It just doesn't seem right." He said, nervously fidgeting with the brim of his baseball hat. I thought about it for a minute, then screeched.

"Those dirty little punks! Come on guys, we gotta go give those assholes a piece of our mind." I said, widely gesturing for them to follow me. They did, except one.M

I turned on my heels. "You got something to say Gerald?" We had him cornered in the end of the ally, no one on the street could see him. Maybe that's why he looked so nervous.

"I was just wondering, what are we doing this for? It kinda just feels like we all have unresolved issues with drinking, and when Shakey's stopped serving alcohol we were all forced to face those issues. And now when we can't take our anger out on innocent people, we are all just looking for someone other than ourselves to blame." He finished thoughtfully.

We all were quiet for a minute. Just staring at him. Finally I spoke up.

"Gerald what the fuck are you talking about?" He looked up, thinking again.

"Oh never mind I don't know what I'm talking about. Lets go kill those kids!" He rose his fist in the air. We all copied him. He ran up along side me.

"Hey Gerald you want some wine? It's imported from Turkey." I whispered, pulling out a flask. He nodded and smiled at me. When I handed it to him he gulped down nearly half of the container before I stopped him.

"Hey man what was that for?" He asked. I started twirling it in my hand, pretending I could see through it to look fancy.

"You're supposed to savor it, not get wasted off it." I told him matter-of-factually. He looked not too convinced, but still complied.

"Alright, do you have something I  _can_ get wasted on?"

"Oh yeah of course." I pulled another flask out of my pocket, it was shaped like a cheap beer bottle but trust me it was actually just a funny flask I bought off amazon.

He chugged down most of it, then handed it back to me. I took a sip and slipped it back in my pocket.

"Those 6th graders are gonna answer to us." He said, a bit looser than before.

I just nodded.

Stan's P.O.V.

I stopped near Kyle's locker, trying to figure out what was going on. It was easy, considering Cartman was being an ass. Kyle stood up against the lockers, looking at his feet. Cartman along with a few other of the guys stood around laughing at him.

"Dude whats going on?" I asked him, he responded by slouching further into his fluffy hat, covering his eyes. Cartman slapped me hard on the back.

"Dude! Didn't you hear, everyone's been talking about it! Kyle sucked some homeless guys dick!" He chortled. Kyle snapped his eyes back up at the fat ass.

"The only one who's been talking about it is you asshole!" It sounded like he was losing his voice. He was much quieter.

Cartman laughed and pointed at him. "So you admit it then! you sucked a homeless mans dick for money!"

Kyle growled. "I never said that! I didn't ever suck any dick!"

Cartman poked Kyle in the stomach. "Shut up Kyle why else would your voice be all scratchy like that?"

He steamed for a minute before making bizarrely angry eye-contact. "Okay, you wanna know why my voice is like this? Huh?! I'll tell you. It was your stupid plan! The water didn't put out the fuse so I had to put it in my mouth, now can we please not talk about it?!"

Everyone was silent for a minuter, and Kyle shoved his hat over his eyes again, embarrassed. I slowly walked over to him.

Cartman was slack-jawed. Then he began laughing super hard, like almost rolling on the ground laughing. Kyle looked tense, but before I could respond to...whatever this was... Cartman started talking again in between fits of laughter.

"Dude! No fucking way! You Seriously telling me you deep throated a fucking bomb that was in a goddamn toilet?!"" He stuttered, obviously enjoying this turn of events.

"I didn't deep-throated it, I just held it in my mouth. The fuse just burnt a little bit of my throat." He said, still sinking further in to his hat.

"Yeah, because you deep throated it." Cartman said simply. I sighed and grabbed Kyle's hand, dragging him to the boys bathroom.

Once we were inside I shut and locked the door. "Dude. Why did you tell the truth?" He leaned against the sinks.

"I don't know. This entire operation has stressed me out." His strained voice cracked a few times, I walked over and faced him.

"What do you mean?" I put a hand on his shoulder.

"It's just... I feel like we aren't ever going to save Shakey's. I know we've done some awesome stuff in the past, but it's all the adults in town against us! How do we beat that?" He said, looking at the sink.

"I don't know. But we can! They'll give up eventually, my dads determined, but he can't stay like this forever."

"But can we last that long Stan?! It's only been like two days or some shit, and you've gotten grounded, I've had to put a fucking piss covered bomb in my mouth, Craig and Tweek are fighting for some reason, and Heidi has cried more times than I can count!" He turned to me.

"What happens when someone gets seriously hurt? What happens when Cartman ruins something?  _What happens if we get caught?"_

"...I don't know man. But we have to do anything for Shakey's, or else we're never gonna see it again."

"I don't know if I can do it anymore man. It's all getting too rough for me." He said, his eyes wide.

We were quiet for a minute. I thought something over.

"I don't know if I can fix the other things, but I think I know how we can not get caught." I said, straightening up.

"What?"

I extended my hand for his phone, which he gave to me. I scrolled through his Coonstagram, and flipped his phone around to show him the picture we all took a few months ago.

"Human kite, it's time we get the team back together."

Craig's P.O.V.

I was petting Stripe and feeding his baby pieces of lettuce, contemplating whether I made a mistake pushing Tweek away like that. I felt a buzzing in my pocket as my phone notified me of a text message. I almost hoped it was Tweek apologizing, but it was Cartman.

'super Craig. we need you back at the Coon base asap. i just had a great idea.'

I was about to reply when my phone buzzed again, this time it was from Kyle.

'Hey man i think I just saw Eric text you. just wanted to tell you it was actually Stan's idea, and we're meeting in the Freedom pals home base no matter what he says.'

I just sighed at their antics and put Stripe and their baby down. "Seriously?" I muttered to myself, walking to my dresser and pulling out my uniform. Stripe squeaked at me while I slipped it on over my regular jacket.

"Don't worry, I just have some business to take care of. I'll be back soon with some carrots." He squeaked again, like we were having a conversation.

I walked out of my room. Having no more fucks to give.

 **A/N:** Freedom pals are gonna save the day. Boi marsh signs out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter six will take quite a long time but will be good as the rest of my chapters

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: thank you readers for your support. Boi Marsh signing out


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